Endometriosis, Unhealthy Body Image, Loss, Grief, and Stress...10 years later

Thanks to Facebook's Memories, I'm remembering 10 years ago today: August 27, 2006.

I was beginning my junior year at Northland College. This picture was taken while riding on a bus to a preseason soccer game in the UP of Michigan.

If I'm being honest, when I first saw the picture posted in 2006, my first reaction was "ooo you can see my hip bone sticking out when I lay like that" and I felt like I was doing something right to have that be my body shape. 😯 (I don't think I need to tell you that THAT is not a healthy thought/body aspiration.)

I worked so hard all summer to improve myself- working out in the company fitness room during my lunch break and having maybe half a sandwich or granola bar to refuel myself. All of that sweat and work, only to spend a couple days in the hospital to be diagnosed with endometriosis and essentially lose all of that progress.

Every month that school year I would often spend days in a row in bed curled up with a heating pad and take ibuprofen like it was candy, crying from the pain.

The end of August and early September was also when my Grandpa George and Grandmother (Fox) passed away. I remember visiting my Grandmother in the hospital after her heart surgery and passing out from low blood sugar.

That was the last time I ever saw her, and she was worrying about me from her hospital bed. To this day I cannot have plain vanilla milkshakes because of the memory associated with drinking part of hers to raise my blood sugar after passing out.

We didn't know at the time, but we only had 5 months left before my Grandpa Fox would pass away as well.

That year was so difficult and challenging for soccer, family, and school. Especially in 2nd semester, my grade dropped weekly in the hardest physics class I would ever take. I'd break down crying in my teacher's office, trying to manage my grief and stress while being unable to understand the material.
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If only I knew then what I know now...

That working out past exhaustion on no calories was not the way to lose weight or perform better on the soccer field. Food was not the enemy- food was FUEL.

That I didn't have to carry the burden of grief and stress alone. I didn't have to be mad at God- it only isolated me from His love even more.

All of these memories from a simple picture. I'm reminded of not only what I went through at that time but how far I've come since. ❤️

You can't control everything, but you CAN control your reaction

            Good afternoon everybody! Although it's not been that good of a deal for me so far. L I don't know where you live but where I live last night we had some pretty strong storms and I was woken up not only by the storms but also by a couple things beeping throughout the house because the power went off.

            So this morning I got up kind of early and went to start working on the computer and it started making some noises and gave me the dreaded rainbow pinwheel and I thought “What's going on?” I had to hold down the power button for it to restart and then it had this grey screen and wouldn't work. I started freaking out and asked Corey “Can you get out of bed I don't know what happened!" He said to go workout I'll take care of it. He is a Mac pro and he was gonna try to burn the files off of there to hopefully recover it even though it wasn't starting up. And then it stopped doing that before he could get anything off. I took it into town and my hard drive is officially dead. Dead, dead, dead!!

            The good news is that most of my files for work are on Google drive so praise the Lord for the cloud. Another great thing is that I keep a lot of things on my phone that I don't delete and I also backup my pictures to Shutterfly. But the bad thing is that there were files on my computer that I did not have on my Google Drive or Shutterfly or even my external hard drive. My external hard drive does not do a real-time data transfer because it's not Mac-compatible so I have to try every month to do it (but I don’t always remember)…but it's too late so there are some things that are possibly gone forever.

            When I was at the Radio Shack in town I was so down and even if I think about it for too long right now, I get really depressed about it because so much of our life is stored on our computers now. On the way home I was flipping through the XM stations and heard Linkin Park’s “What I've done” and I thought “oh my gosh I don't need that song”. I turned the channel and next I heard Taylor Swift's “Bad Blood” and once again didn’t need that song, so I switched back to the Christian radio station on XM and it wasn't my favorite song but it started to ease my anxiety a little bit.

            With change my anxiety gets out of control; with traveling and then coming home and unpacking and trying to find a new routine my anxiety is bad and we're trying to clean up and do a big de-clutter around the house and get rid of things and sell things and so with that and now the computer, it's just too much.

            Corey found a company that you send your hard drive to them and they are super experts at recovering stuff so I'm really really hoping that they're able to recover things. My first inclination when the hard drive crashed I thought “Maybe I'll just get a brand-new computer and file a claim through our home insurance because the power surge/storm caused it to die." But then the Radio Shack person said they would recommend to simply replace the hard drive and those are cheap- we actually have a spare one in the closet right now. So at least for now we are saved that $500 deductible for replacing the entire computer; that's a blessing in this negativity. But we still have the issue of losing my files.

            I titled this post that you can't control everything, but that you can control your reaction. I used to listen to non-Christian music and so when I would get down and be depressed and have anxiety and get stomachaches over things, the music I would listen to what would perpetuate that and make it worse. I’ve found that listening to Christian music really helps and working out does too. I might need to have another workout later just to get this frustration out it so I don't cry about it. Another thing I think a lot of people do in stressful situations (because I know I do it too) is turn to food. I initially thought “Oh gosh, I'm so frustrated. I need to go to McDonald's and get a frappe right now.” A chocolate chip frappe is my ultimate indulgence- my cheat. ;)

            Why is it that the first thing that you do when you're stressed is to reach for food?? Food is not gonna fix your problems; it's going to make them worse, especially after the sugar high wears off. Reading personal development can help get your mind right, and you can talk to God for a while and He will ease your anxiety. I can't remember the exact Bible verse right now but if you pray to God, “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” That's like my life Bible verse!!

            I wanted to let you guys know about this crappy thing that happened and the first things that I thought about were: money- how am I gonna pay for this, and the yo-yo of just the last few hours with the stress of possibly having to rebuild it. I encourage you to take these difficult situations in bite-sized chunks and when you can't handle it go escape somehow. Don't escape into food; escape into a workout, escape into a game with your kids, find a more constructive outlet for your for your stress, meditate, pray, journal, listen to uplifting music (not music that's gonna drag you down), find a good book to read and just check out of that situation for a while!!

            So often your anxiety can consume you and you just get drug deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and before you know it, the whole day is gone and you're even more entrenched in this problem. I wanted to share that message with you guys today that if something crappy is happening to not let your initial reactions go make you go crazy. Right now my plan is to go play with Addison and finish my Shakeology instead of going through the drive through at McDonald’s to get a frappe.

            You’ve got to stop yourself when you when you recognize that you're going down paths that aren’t healthy for you to deal with, and know that you have the power to control how you are affected by things. And you definitely don't have to deal with your anxiety alone- please tell someone if you are being burdened with anxiety and depression.

31 simple tasks/habits to help you cut the clutter, streamline your home, and relieve stress in your life

SUMMERTIME is BUSY! You are up early, out of the house, get home late and just throw stuff down and say to yourself that you'll get to it in the morning. Even a week of that gets you into a mess that feels so hard to get to the bottom of. I know it because I've been there! It is a struggle. But I have good news...

I  cleaning and organizing! I put together a list of simple tasks that will clean up your phone, house, schedule, and ease your mind. I need to do these things too- who wants to do this with me?!

Please comment if you want to try this FREE De-Clutter Challenge with me. Only a few minutes a day will really make a difference. If you want to tell a friend to do this with you, please tag them here too. The more, the merrier!! We start TONIGHT!!

If you are seeing this after July 2016 and would like to be connected in case I do this group again, or would like to learn more about the free private groups I run on Facebook, please find me at: bit.ly/1fitlifefb

Hospitality vs. The "Perfection Infection"

What do you see here? Deep down, I see a couch with hidden Kirby hairs and one that desperately needs to be shampooed.

In years past, I would have let my "perfection infection" drive me nuts and would have deep cleaned not only the couch but the whole house before hosting Addison's birthday party. And if I couldn't get it all done before people came over, I would have been upset. Not to mention very difficult to deal with as I was doing all of the cleaning.
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This year I took a different approach and did what I could, asked Corey for help (which he gave and I'm so grateful for), and the rest I just let go and focused on enjoying the people that came to the house and enjoying the celebration.
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While reading one of my books "No More Perfect Moms" the author brings up this question: Is our resistance to hospitality and allowing our fears to control us an act of selfishness? Do we care more about how we feel then how our hospitality may make the other person feel? I can guarantee that no one at the party mentioned the fact that my couch would look nicer if it was shampooed; and if anyone thought it at least they didn't say it, so thanks for that!
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I am learning that perfection is an unrealistic standard, and maybe just an organized reality and a welcoming heart and spirit is more important than a house that looks like it came out of a magazine. Hospitality is our opportunity to be Jesus to those around us and it is an extension of our hearts. ❤
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Offering hospitality puts the emphasis on others and strives to meet their physical and spiritual needs. I love a part from my book said: your hospitality should make people feel REFRESHED, NOT IMPRESSED when they leave your home.
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Do you struggle with extending hospitality to others? I hope that sharing this with you can empower you to replace fear with courage, insecurity with confidence, and judgment with grace. And invite people over to be part of your reality- no unrealistic expectations or perfection required.